The terrible threes?

A few months ago, a friend put a post on Facebook regarding her two year old's behavior. She was looking for help and advice dealing with her daughter's tantrums. I smiled to myself because I knew I was not far from saying adios to the terrible twos. Of course, I gladly gave her some of my expert advice. After all I firmly believe in supporting moms and helping others get through the same crap I've had to go through with my son.

I was definitely not smiling today when I had to carry my kicking and screaming almost three year old to the car after preschool. I was actually thanking G-d that I happened to be five minutes late today because there were no other parents in the parking lot. 

The chaos started as soon as we left the building when he spotted the park next door to the preschool. Before I realized what was going on, he went running towards that park. "Stop!" I yelled. "It's cold and rainy! We need to get to the car."

"No!" He screamed. 

Being an expert in parenting, I immediately knew what to do. YEAH RIGHT! First, I looked around to make sure no one was around, then I decided to use some of the advice I gave my friend and offer "A" some choices. I told him he could run to the car like a zebra or I could pick him up. Pretty clever right? Nope. He screamed, "NO! I want NUFFING! (nothing)"

Finally starting to lose my patience, I picked him up and made a break for the car. He did the 'limp baby' move and went completely stiff. Well, not completely limp because he was still kicking his legs and flailing his arms around. I eventually got to the car, opened the car door, and tried to toss him in. The first two times, he fought so hard against me that I had to pick him up and try again. The third time, I threw open the door, pushed him in, and quickly shut the door before he could make a break for it. 

Mother of the year in the category of tantrum management goes to our very own Coffee Addicted Mommy. 

I wasn't home free either. By now, the parking lot was truly deserted. I took a deep breath and opened the car door to enter the SUV of misery. A was throwing himself around the car crying and screaming. I don't even think he remembered what he was so mad about. He had just worked himself up so hard he couldn't calm down. I tried the choice strategy again. "Do you want to get in your car seat yourself or do you need mommy to help you?" I asked.

"I WANT NUFFING!!!" he screamed and hiccuped. Knowing I did not want to make the 20 minute drive home listening to my son shrieks, I decided to try to calm him down before we left. I took him in my arms and calmly talked to him. At first, it didn't work, but eventually ( I don't even know how I did it) he calmed down. When he was back to his calm and rational self, he climbed into his car seat on his own and let me strap him in. As soon as we started moving, I spotted him furiously rubbing his eyes. 

Would I love to blame his behavior on the fact that he was tired? Abso-freaking-lutely! No one wants to admit that their child can be a terror. I can't tell you have many times I've heard people tell me their kids never acted up. My experience as a preschool assistant teacher, a first grade teacher, and a mother tells me that's bullshit. It's much more likely that people have selective memory. Who knows, maybe some day I'll have that selective memory too. Though I now have this blog to prove it...

Yes, my son may have been tired. But I suspect that the biggest reason he was acting that way is because of the "terrible threes". The worst part is, I was so looking forward to being done with the terrible twos. I should have known a storm was coming because, quite honestly, the twos weren't that bad. (Selective memory?!?) The first 4-5 months of the 2s were the worst because my son couldn't understand consequences and punishments nor was he great at communicating yet. During the second half of the 2s, I felt like I finally got A under control. He's potty trained, in a big boy bed, and can sit and do activities for much longer periods of time. We can do all kinds of fun activities together now. I thought the fun was just beginning. Little did I know....

So here come the THREES. This Friday, my baby turns 3 years old. The closer he gets the more independent he wants to be. The problem is, he's a little boy and he can't be independent, a fact that royally pisses him off. He wants to control things, and can't. My sweet little angel has become a bossy little ogre. In fact, my mom and I have nicknamed him "Little Fidel".

All joking aside, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my son. I love watching him grow up even if it means dealing with crazy stages and terrible tantrums. Some great things about him getting older: kisses, hugs, "I love yous", songs, imaginative play, going to the park, having playdates in which he actually plays with other kids, watching him learn, making memories, and most of all, the fact that he is a MAJOR mommas boy. How can you stay mad at a child who begs for mommy all day? I guess I'm safe as long as I stay on Little Fidel's good side. 

369 days and counting until he turns 4!!!!! Four has GOT to be better than three, right? RIGHT?????? 

PS. I did not write this blog so that people could offer me their advice and tips or critique my parenting. Obviously, I have things completely under control here. I DID write this blog so that my readers can laugh at my expense and so I could offer comfort and encouragement to my momma friends. We've all been there. Misery loves company.   ;) 

The ever so sacred Girl's Night Out

Before I was a mother, I rarely felt the need for a girl's night out. Although I worked 40+ hours a week, I was perfectly content to spend the weekends and evenings at home. Home was my break, my rest place. Yes, I had some light housework to do, but frankly, there wasn't much. Since I hate cleaning and we lived on two salaries, we had a cleaning lady. So, other than laundry, cooking, and whatever school work I brought home, I spent most my time at home relaxing. 


I spent a lot of time with hubby. On weekends, we'd either go out on dates, go to parties, or on double dates. About once every few months, I'd go out and grab a bite to eat with a girlfriend, see a chick flick, or go shopping with my mom, mother-in-law, or sister-in-laws. 


If I did need some quality girl time, I could always travel! About 6 years ago, my sis and I took a sister's trip to San Francisco. Also, about once or twice a year, I'd travel to go see some of my closest girlfriends. We are all spread out now in places like New York, Pennsylvania, and Virginia. 


A regular girl's night out was just not in place back then. Probably because I knew I could go out whenever I wanted. 


Now I am a stay at home mom. Home is my work place and my rest place. Who am I kidding? Mostly my work place!  This fact really hit home yesterday. 


After spending 3 hours practicing animal cupcakes (pics posted on my FB page!! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Coffee-Addicted-Mommy/277475352313970), I picked my son up from preschool. I coaxed him into the car without a fight (phew!), and gave him his lunch to eat in the car. When we got home, the tantrums began. He didn't want to get out of the car so just getting him inside the house was challenging. Once I got him in, it was just about time for nap. Enter: the naptime battle. After I finally, FINALLY, got him in his bed and closed the door, I breathed a quick sigh of relief and started tackling my to do list. 


First on the list is always: eat lunch. Yes, I have to put this on my list. By this time, it was about 2:00pm and I still hadn't eaten. As I sat down to eat my lunch, I noticed the baby monitor going crazy. I could hear the thumping sound of my child jumping on his bed. I could also hear his loud chipmunky voice singing at the top of his lungs. "I'll give him until 3:15", I told myself, "Maybe he'll fall asleep by then!" 


After over an hour and numerous check-ins, I realized this kid wasn't going to sleep. I was so tired I could barely keep my head up and had not gotten to anything on my to do list!!! SO FRUSTRATING! 


 Fast forward to 6:00pm. I was looking forward to getting A to bed early since he skipped nap. I fed him dinner and was about to start on dinner for hubs and I when the phone rang. It was the hubby, telling me he'd be late. 


Ok, breathe in, breathe out. This meant I'd now be responsible for every single nighttime battle too. Just the fight to get him into the bathtub resulted in a 30 minute tantrum and crying spree. (The boy, not me, although I seriously thought about crying too!) Eventually I got him in the bath and ready for bed. For some reason, he didn't want me to leave his room at bedtime so he decided to cry and scream then too. Luckily, the child must have been so exhausted that he quickly passed out. 


About 7:45, I finally sat down and ate a bowl of cereal for dinner. The hubby showed up around 8:30pm and of course, everything was done. When I told him I had a bad day, he just couldn't fathom it. According to him, I didn't have to go to work and I got a 3 hour break in the morning while our son was in preschool, so how could my day had been bad? 


How indeed????


Back to my original topic: girl's night out. As you can see from the story above, I now LIVE for girl's night outs. Or ANY girl time I can get! It's become such an important part of my life. I live for the chance to dress up and have a peaceful meal (and wine!!!!)  with my closest friends. I know most of my momma friends feel the same way. 


How far would you go for a girl's night out? Would you risk your life? 


I did. 


A few weeks ago, I found out my sis was coming to town for President's Day weekend. She is 13 months younger than me and my best friend. I love to go out to dinner with her when she visits. This time, I decided to invite two of my momma friends along. We spent the entire week before talking about how excited we were to get out and go to one of our favorite sushi restaurants.


The night finally arrived. The whole day there had been miserable weather and there was a chance of snow at 9pm that evening. Around 5pm, it started snowing. "Dammit!" I thought.


 "I hope my friends don't want to cancel!" I told my sister, "I'll text them, but I doubt they'll cancel. One has three kids, one has two under the age of 3! I'm sure they need to get out. Besides, the roads don't seem too bad."


I texted both  of them and lo and behold, both mommas still wanted to go out. Sis and I barely thought twice about our decision to go. The snow was light, my sis has an SUV, and we're from the North so we KNOW how to drive in snow. 


As we drove towards the restaurant, the weather got worse and worse. Still, I didn't even think about turning around. We were so close to our GNO and we'd been looking forward to eating sushi ALL week. When we went to get off the exit, the car was swerving all over the place. You see, in the south they are not prepared for bad weather so the roads are not taken care of as swiftly as they are in the north. 


The roads were so bad, I called my friend and told her we were going home. (The other momma was in the car with us). Although she was already at the restaurant, she agreed. We drove 20 miles an hour back to my house. It took us about an hour and it was the longest hour of my life. The roads were slick and the snow and ice were still coming down. 


At the time, I saw my life flashing before my eyes. Now I just think it's hilarious that we were willing to put our lives in jeopardy just for the chance of a nice 2 hour meal without the hubbies or the kids. Not that I blame us. Girl's night out really is that sacred. 


By the way,  we've rescheduled dinner for this weekend. There is a zero percent chance of snow.    ;) 

The MOM code: It takes a village

They say it takes a village to raise a child. A village of women is what I think they mean. No, I'm not saying that men are unimportant or that they don't contribute to raising a child. Of course they do, nothing is more important then having a good father (except having a good mother of course!) I mean that if there were at least one more woman in my house, raising a child would be SO much easier!!!!

I often wonder if these households with two or three wives have it right. Women just instinctively know what to do with children. Most of the time, you don't need to ask a woman to get things done, she just does it. At least in my experience.

Whenever I do things with my female "mommy" friends, we always act as a team. We take care of our own and each other's. That's because of the MOM code.

For example: when I go out to dinner with A and hubby, things always go the same way. I sit next to our son (every time!) and entertain him with books, snacks, and toys. I always order for him and when the food comes, I'm the one to cut up his chicken and make sure he eats. Meanwhile, hubby digs right into his food and is almost finished by the time I take my first (now cold) bite. I'm not even complaining, I'm the mom. That's just the way it is. Even when our son was a baby and would cry in a restaurant, I was the one to take him outside at least 85% of the time.

Fast forward to September, 2011. I was out to dinner with my sister in law and her daughter, who is 8 months younger than A. Both of us mommies had our bags packed full of tricks, toys, and treats. We took turns reading to the children, playing with them, and as a team, we managed to get both of the children to eat a good amount of dinner! And the mommies got to eat too! What a difference.

Another example: playdates at the park with my friend Robin. Her son is 1 month younger than A and the kids love to play together. She also has a 7 month old baby boy. When we all meet up at the park, the moms are a united front. We are a team! I hold her baby if she needs to chase after her older son or get the Baby Bjorn situated. I put the boys in their swings if her hands are full with the baby. If I'm busy doing something,or I'm tired, she chases both of the older boys and constantly checks on them. The mom code. We just know how to help each other.


We moms also seem to be able to read each other's minds. For example, I can't tell you how many times I have gotten emails or comments about my blog saying things like "You hit the nail on the head" or "It's just like you are inside my head!" and "I always think these things and then you put them into words!" It's true. Once you're a mother, it seems like you can instantly relate to (almost) any other mother.

Just this morning, I was posting on Facebook about how unfair the weekends are. I get up with my son at 7:30, feed him, dress him, play games with him, drink 1/2 cup of cold coffee, clean up the house and dishes, and start the laundry all before 11am and all without a shower! Meanwhile, hubby rolls out of bed at 9am, plays his keyboard or piano for 30 minutes, eats a leisurely breakfast (have I eaten yet???), drinks a full cup of HOT coffee, plays Words with Friends on his Kindle, then takes a looooong shower. As I was typing that comment on FB, my close friend Ashley was blogging about the EXACT same thing. As soon as she posted her blog, I immediately read it and found that she was "in my head" and she "hit the nail on the head!"

Of course, I love my husband and I could never ever dream of parenting A without him. After I got frustrated with him this morning, he took our son to the park for over an hour so I could take a long, hot shower, shave my legs, and even blog!

But there is definitely something to be said for the MOM code and for having other moms around to rely on. Having a good network of mom friends is PRICELESS! How many times have you called, messaged, or texted one of your mom friends because you know they will instantly understand?? I thank G-d every day for these wonderful women in my life-women all over the country! Hence today's blog shout out to my wonderful, reliable mom friends who help me raise my son. You all know who you are!

 And to my non-mom friends, I just have to say, thanks for listening, for even READING this blog, and I hope if you do every want to/decide to have kids, I hope I can be there for you in the same way too. 

Nailed it!

I am not a crafty person. I'm just NOT. I can't draw a straight line with a ruler, I hate arts and crafts, and I think baking is a pain in the ass. At every party or school event, I always sign up to bring something easy, like chips and dip (store bought!!), or soda, or even napkins. 


Pintrest just stresses me out. For the longest time, I didn't get it. Friends tried to convince me to check it out for ideas. Ideas for what? Ways I am failing at being crafty??? How much I suck at being an adorable stay at home mom? 


 I eventually did sign up for Pintrest and I do like to browse my friends "pins". However, I find myself wondering whether they like the ideas because they're cute ideas or because they are actually going to attempt to do them. If it's the latter, then I'm impressed. Homemade centerpieces? Cards for special occasions decorated with your child's handprints? Adorable baked goods? Who the hell has time or energy for that? I'm lucky to get dinner on the table by 7 every night. 


This is how much of a slacker I am. This year, I didn't even bother to do valentines with my son. Why not? Because he doesn't go to school on Tuesdays, and this year, V-day fell on a Tuesday!!!! Mother of the year- right here! 


To defend my stay at home mom honor, I feel I should mention that A and I did bake cupcakes together on Valentine's day. It was the first time I've baked since he's been old enough to help. Now before you get all excited, you should know that these were cupcakes from the box. But boy did I think I was awesome. It was just like a picture out of a magazine. My son was standing on a chair "helping" me crack the eggs, pour the cake mix in, and stir. I even let him lick the spoon. I know, I know....salmonella, but I just couldn't take that memory away from him. I still have fond memories of licking the spoon whenever my mother baked brownies or cakes (from the box too I might add!). 

With that being said, something possessed me to do the unthinkable this year for A's birthday: BAKE AND DECORATE THE CUPCAKES MYSELF!!!!!! What was I thinking? Every year so far, I've taken the easy road and ordered his cake from Publix. It's usually expensive and I end up with a ton of leftover cake, but it's easy. 


This year, my son is turning 3 so I decided he's old enough to tell me what kind of party he wants. Of course, he told me he wants an animal party. After ordering all the party supplies and decorations online, (you better believe I'm not crafty enough to make my own, sorry!) I started browsing Pintrest for cupcake ideas. I found the most adorable jungle animal cupcakes from Betty Crocker and fell in love with them. So much that I made the mistake of showing the picture of the cupcakes, along with the" how to" video, to my son. He freaked out and even asked to watch the video over and over again. Shit. I'm screwed now.


After the 4th time through the video, I decided the cupcakes didn't look that hard. I emailed it to my mother because she's coming to help with his party. I expected her to love the cupcakes as much as I did and to tell me that we could do it! Instead she said, (in her Long Island Jewish accent), "Caah-ra, why don't you just buy a friggin cake? What do you want to deal with that cupcake headache for anyway?"


We all know when our parents tell us not to do something, it makes us want to do it even more. Even when we're in our thirties. So here I sit. Two weeks before the party and already stressing about the damn jungle animal cupcakes. Somewhere deep inside of me, I must think that if I can pull off these cupcakes then I will finally be that adorable, crafty stay at home mom people always picture when they hear the term "stay at home mom".                 


All the stress and nail biting led me to decide to do a practice run next week. Don't worry, just in case they don't turn out as planned, I have a backup plan: Zoo animal cupcake picks. Cheap and easy! Just in case...
                                        . 


Here's hoping I NAIL it and my cupcakes don't turn out like this poor momma's: 


PS: That makes me laugh til I pee my pants EVERY time I see it.

Valentine's Day!

Well, Valentine's day, 2012 has come and gone. Now hubby has 364 days to plan the next V-day. Oh please people, we all know he "plans" Valentine's day the week before, sometimes even the day before.


I have mixed feelings about Valentine's day. Should we really wait until February 14th every year to be romantic and treat our partner with extra respect? On the other hand, it is kind of nice that there is a special day where we are forced to recognize how much we love each other. I don't know about you, but every day in our house isn't full of romance and over the top gestures. It's nice that there are certain days on the calender when we are "expected" to do these things. 


But is it a day set up for men to fail? You know that I think romantic movies like "The Notebook", and "The Vow", do not portray the majority of realistic relationships. It's not fair for men to have to live up to these unrealistic expectations. And it's not fair to women either!   We all expect our husbands to act like "Noah in the Notebook and get disappointed when it just doesn't happen! Even on Valentine's Day.


My hubby is a wonderful man. He's an amazing husband and father. He is kind and caring. But not always the most thoughtful or romantic man. He's about 50/50 on Valentine's day!


One memorable Valentine's day, when "A" was about 11 months old, hubby did plan a nice surprise. I went to put the baby to bed and when I came downstairs, the counter was full of Valentine's treats. There was a vase with a dozen roses, special gourmet chocolates, a card, and a bottle of wine. (I found out later that the only reason he thought to buy the chocolates was because a co-worker went to the choc. shop during their lunch hour and dragged hubby along. Oh well, let's still give him credit!)


Most Valentine's days are not that romantic. Typically, hubby stops at the grocery store around 6pm on his way home from work (ON V-DAY!) and buys the last bouquet of sorry roses. No card or anything else. I once complained about this to a friend and her response was, "Hey, at least he got you flowers." Good point. 


This year was a little bit better, despite the fact that last week, hubby had the nerve to ask me, "What day is Valentine's day this year??" WHAT DAY IS VALENTINE'S DAY????


 "You're joking, right?" I responded, "it's the same day every year." 


"Is it the 15th?" He was serious.


"Honey, it's February 14th, every single year." I informed him. 


Thinking he might need some help (imagine that after he asked me that question?), I emailed him two different coupon specials for roses. One was a Living Social deal and the other was a Groupon. I guess he got the emails because he called me from work a few days later. 


"Will you be home on Tuesday?" he asked. "I'm having something delivered to you that day and I want to make sure you're home to get it." 


Hmmm. Having something delivered on Valentine's day. What could it be? 


I informed him that I would be home after 12pm, just like I am most days. At least I knew I'd be getting flowers this year. Though I admit, he somehow managed to take the fun and excitement out of it. The good news was, he got a great deal. Hardy har har. 


Yesterday, around 1pm, there was a knock at the door. Surprise! A woman was standing on my porch with a dozen red roses in a vase. After thanking her, I placed the roses in the middle of the table to admire. Much better than the usual last minute purchase from Publix!
                                                


Here's the sweet thing. Although the card simply said, "Happy Valentine's day. I love you", I noticed that in pencil, the florist had written, "Please knock." I was amazed that my usually absent minded husband (sounds harsh but remember, he forgot what day V-day was!!) had remembered that A always takes his nap in the afternoon. Even though my son will usually sleep through a doorbell, it touched me that hubby thought to ask them to knock instead of ring the bell.


 And when he showed up at 6pm, I noticed he still made his yearly last minute grocery store stop. He had a heart full of chocolates for me and a little one for our son. There was also a bag of shredded Mexican cheese. Don't ask. 


When I handed hubby his gift and card, he was excited. He apologized that he hadn't gotten a card for me.  I admit it, the man isn't always the most thoughtful person and I have to nudge him along to make sure special occasions really are special. But that's okay because I have the two most wonderful Valentines in the world.


Sidenote: Hubby is taking me out to an expensive dinner on Saturday night! Did I hear someone mention gold sparkly high-heeled J-Lo shoes??????????? 

Stay-at-home NOTHING

Last week, I went shopping at Kohl's. A good friend had sent me a $25 gift card, PLUS I had a 15% off coupon so I HAD to go shop. Unfortunately, I couldn't find much that I actually wanted to buy. Shocking, isn't it? That is, until I went into the shoe section and stumbled upon the cutest Jennifer Lopez gold sparkly heels. (Think-'stripper' shoes.) Of course, I tried them on and they fit perfectly, were somewhat comfortable, and looked adorable.


As I put them in my cart, I suddenly stopped myself. "What the hell does a stay at home mom need shoes like this for?" I thought.

Appropriate for a stay at home mom??! I think not!

That's when the "wild Cara" on my shoulder whispered in my ear, "C'mon, live a little! You don't work outside the home anymore. You don't need to dress professionally. Besides, you go out all the time. These shoes are perfect! Plus the other SAHMs (stay at home moms) will be eating their hearts out!!"


I decided that the "wild Cara" was right and put the J-Lo shoes in my cart. I zoomed straight to the register before I could change my mind.


As I was checking out, the cashier picked up one of the shoes and commented, "Ooo! Cute!"


 "They're soooo not me," I laughed nervously, "I'm a stay at home mom, what do I need these shoes for, right?"


"You stay home?" she smirked.


I nodded, "with my 3 year old boy."


"So you don't have to do anything all day but stay home with your kid?" she replied.


Figuring she was probably just jealous, I politely ignored her, smiled, and paid for the shoes. (Only came to $21 by the way, which my $25 gift card took care of! Woohoo!)


Now that the shoes are on my shoe rack and I've had a few days to think about it, I still don't regret buying them. I do however, regret not saying something to that cashier. I know she probably didn't mean anything by it, but her comment really hit a sore spot of mine. I am constantly hearing comments about how SAHMs do nothing all day and how "it's so easy."


Oddly enough, I used to hear similar things about my old job. I was a teacher for 7 years and I got so sick of always hearing about how easy it was, how we only worked until 3pm (yeah right!), and how we had summers off. Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment because my new career gets about the same amount of respect, or less.


Quitting my job as a teacher to become a stay at home mom was one of the hardest decisions of my life. Those of you who know me know how much I struggled and went back and forth with the decision. I stayed up many nights tossing and turning and thinking about it. Part of me felt like I was going to be a failure if I quit my job. 4 years of college + 2 years of grad school + 7 years of teaching and I'd have nothing to show for it. Well, not nothing exactly, but I'd always seen myself as a working mom. My mom did it, so I could do it too.


The funny thing was, when I asked my mother for her advice about whether or not I should stay home, she was adamant that I do it if we could make it work financially. I was shocked. I asked her how she could feel that way after always pushing academics and sending me to college. Her response: "I was never able to do it and I wish I could have. I've always regretted it." She pretty much told me I could always go back to work, but my son wasn't going to be young forever and I would never regret staying home with him. In fact, I heard that last part from a lot of people; I'd never regret it. And I haven't-not one single day.


Before I made the big decision to stay home with my son however, I did go back to work for one year. That was a really difficult year. In fact, right now it's just a blur. I'll never regret going back for that time though because it made me appreciate just how hard it is to be a working mom. Even on my worst day as a SAHM, I think about how it could be so much harder. And I have such respect for my friends and former co-workers who do it all. 


That being said, I often get two responses from people when I tell them I'm a stay at home mom. (From people who are not stay at home moms, that is). Either I get, "Wow, you're so lucky. I wish I could stay home with my kids!" or I hear, "You stay home? What do you do all day???"


Honestly, I can't blame people. Since I only have one child and he is pretty laid back, this is the easiest, most enjoyable job I've ever had. Especially now that my son is potty trained and goes to preschool 3 days a week. Most days I think, "I am so lucky! This is awesome!" 


But would I say that I do nothing all day? Of course not.  A recent money/finance article stated that the true monetary value of a stay at home mom is over $100,000 a year. I probably deserve more. (HA!) I am the kind of person that doesn't sit down until everything is done. I have a daily to do list and on my list, I actually have to write down things like "eat" and "make tomorrow's to do list". I am laughing as I type this but honestly, it's hard to remember all the things that need to be done, especially with mommy brain! 


Perhaps the worst offender and critic of stay at home moms can be our husbands. I know deep in his heart, my hubby is happy that I am home with our son. But I also know he misses my paycheck. Especially that humongous teacher's paycheck I brought home. (Insert laugh here). I don't know if he really thinks I don't do much around here or if he just likes to pretend he thinks that to get me going. Several times, he's suggested I do nothing but sit around and watch Oprah while eating bonbons. Somehow he always manages to make these jokes on the days I've cleaned up smeared poop off A's crib, dealt with horrible tantrums all day, or scrubbed crayon marks off the walls. Come to think of it, I'm amazed hubby's not missing any key body parts after taking that risk! 


All joking aside, being a SAHM can be a wonderfully rewarding job. It can also be stressful, tiring, and frustrating. I was going to try to list some of the things I do as a stay at home mom, but I decided not to. After all, the majority of my readers are moms and know what goes into the job. Many of us also know what it feels like to be unappreciated by our spouse. The truth is, the only one I need to feel appreciated by is my son. Mission accomplished. (Someone tell hubby I deserve a bonus.) 

Now, back to the shoes. Should I have bought them? It's only been a week and so far I have no intention of wearing them. But the fact that I have them in my closet makes me feel like a lady, not a just a mom. The J-Lo stripper shoes are a symbol of my womanhood! Who would have thought?  Someday soon I vow to wear them; even if it's just to clean up smeared poop or vacuum. And dammit, I'll make being a stay at home mom look good!   

                                                                                          

Why can't we all just get along? by: guest blogger: Cupcake Momma

This is my first guest blogger! I know a lot of my friends have a lot to share and someone had asked me about doing a "guest" blog spot so here goes! PS: Please let me know if you'd like to submit a guest blog!

This one was submitted by my good friend "Cupcake Momma"';

I was a breast feeding momma.  I did for almost 14 months.  I wanted to stop at 12, but things didn't work out the way I planned.  Then again, the whole breast feeding process didn't go as I planned anyway.  So, I guess I should begin with the birth of Jocelyn.

I had Jocelyn, one week and one day over my due date.  I got induced one week after being late, but she was a tough cookie and decided that she wanted to wait until 18 hours and 56 minutes from the start of my induction to arrive in this world.  She came and the whole 'being a new mom' experience began.

I had planned to breastfeed.  My mother did it, so why wouldn't I?  Well, I seemed to be surrounded by people who were formula feeding.  Some were outright against breastfeeding.  I respected it.  It was their choice.  Some had tried breast feeding and failed.  They told me they didn't make enough milk for their kids or had problems latching.  Hey, it happens.  I went in hoping I would be able to, but also knowing if I couldn't there was an alternative.  Yet, when I said I was going to breast feed, I got strange looks.  I felt alone.  I was pretty much alone in the process.

So, Jocelyn was here and I was in the hospital for a 2 day stay.  I got frustrated.  She was latching, but then wasn't latching.  I was confused.  I had no help from the nurses.  I thought they were supposed to help. 

 A friend of mine had a baby the year before me.  My friend had decided she was going to formula feed her baby.  The nurses were on her about at least trying breastfeeding even though she was very against doing it.  At the time, my heart went out to her because I don't believe anyone should be forced to do something they don't want to do.  Yet, they kept on pushing her and making her feel like a horrible mother.  

Then, there I was trying to figure all this out with no help.  It didn't make sense at all.  I went back and forth about whether Jocelyn should have a bottle in the hospital.  My husband told me not to because he actually read the books (which said not to introduce a bottle right away)  while I didn't.  My mother told me to because, as a baby, I refused the bottle.  I should have listened to my mother.....  Jocelyn never took a bottle.

So, because Jocelyn never took a bottle, I felt out of place a lot.  I had to nurse what felt like every hour.  She was also a skinny baby, which for some reason is wrong in a society of obese people.  I couldn't force her to eat.  We actually tried formula when she was 4 days old at the insistence of a doctor who I dislike so much because of it.  Jocelyn hated it.  She drank 1 1/2 ounces and didn't want it anymore.  She hated the bottles.  We tried 6 different nipples.  Started with Medela, then Playtex, Nuk, Tommee Tippee, Avent and Born Free.

  Friends came over one night and asked how many ounces of milk Jocelyn took.  I was like "no clue.  She won't take the bottle."  Strange looks were given.  I felt like I had the weirdo child and I had no life.  The Formula Feeding mommas I knew looked at me puzzled.  I felt like they were judging me.  It was probably all in my head, but I felt alone with no freedom, always needing to be with Jocelyn.

Now, I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but I feel like there is divide between breastfeeding mommas and formula feeding mommas.  I'm in two mom's group and it's funny.  One has a lot of breast feeding moms, while the other seems to have mostly formula feeding moms.  Weird right?  So, why do we mommas do this to ourselves?  Have this divide?  Can't we be supportive of each other's methods and not judge?  Being a first time mom is very hard.  How about instead of looking at how we feed our babies, we are just there for each other?

Let's not be zealots of choices.  Like I said earlier, I wouldn't want to be my friend who was made to feel bad because of her choice not to breast feed.  Yet, I felt the same way with others about my choice to breastfeed.  We're women.  We're supposed to be there for each other as we experience something men can't.  Why can't we all just get along??? 

Bladder after baby

As the Johnson and Johnson commercial says, having a baby changes everything. Even your bladder. ESPECIALLY your bladder. Come on, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.


Does this sound familiar?: 

• you are walking around the mall with your hubby when suddenly you feel the urge to cough (or sneeze). Immediately, you stop walking, cross your legs tight, then proceed to sneeze (while attempting to hold in your pee).
•  Perhaps your friend says something that makes you laugh hysterically when you suddenly realize you've just peed yourself a little. 
• Do you practically have to wear a diaper (or very dark colored pants) when you try to exercise?

 If you said yes to any of the above scenarios, then this blog is for you.


The only friends I've discovered that don't really share this problem with me are the ones who #1. haven't had a baby, or #2. had a C-section. For those of you who don't have this problem and don't fit into categories #1 or #2, YOU SUCK!


I remember hearing about this bladder phenomenon before I was pregnant. "How embarrassing! That will never be me!" I thought. Whenever I shopped in the maxi pad aisle and spotted the women's adult diapers, I'd chuckle a little. Ah, those were the days; when incontinence problems seemed worlds away.


Then I got pregnant. At first, the problem wasn't so bad. I did have to pee quite often, but that's pretty normal when you're pregnant. As the pregnancy progressed and the baby was squishing my bladder,  the pee problems began! At first, out of embarrassment, I tried to hide it from hubby. That didn't last long. Then it became a running joke between us. He'd make me laugh, I pee a little, and then exclaim, "Good one honey! You made me pee myself on that one!"


Still I assumed that once the baby came, the pee-pee problems would leave. I vaguely remember hearing about kegel exercises but I poo-pooed them. "Kegels, schmeeegels", I thought, "Who the hell can remember to do those??!?! They're probably a myth anyway." I was much more concerned with slathering stretch mark cream all over my body. (Good thing, or I'd have bladder issues AND stretch marks on my stomach. OY!)


Now my son is almost 3 years old and all y'all who actually did your kegels are laughing at me. Or laughing with me since it's now become a running joke in my Stroller Strength mom exercise group. When our instructor, Mel, makes us do jumping jacks, my friend Nicks and I love to yell, "Did you remember to wear your diaper today girl?!?!?!" When she has us doing 'high knees', I love to call them, "high PEES". Sometimes I joke so much about it, one of us actually ends up having to run to the bathroom. Hey, it helps to laugh through the pain.


I do love to laugh and joke about this issue because, come on, it's freaking hilarious! But sometimes it does get pretty irritating and embarrassing. I finally decided to bring it up to my dr. at my last OBGYN visit. Of course, the first thing he asked was whether or not I did kegel exercises. WHOOPS!!!!! Then he told me what I pretty much already knew, I'll probably need surgery when I'm done having kids. Next, he told me to start doing the kegel exercises. (Still can't remember to do those damn exercises!!!!!) 


Last he mentioned the craziest option of all. I believe it was called a urethral insert. It is similar to a tampon. Here's the info I found about it on a medical website; Urethral inserts are small, tampon-like disposable plugs that a woman inserts into her urethra to prevent urine from leaking out. Urethral inserts are generally worn before engaging in activities that might result in stress urinary incontinence, and they may be worn throughout the day. Whenever you need to urinate, you simply remove the device. Urethral inserts are not meant to be worn 24 hours a day. Urethral inserts are available by prescription.

One example of a urethral insert is the FemSoft Insert. The single-use disposable device — made of soft silicone — is a tube with a balloon-like tip. Encasing the tube is a sheath filled with mineral oil. The device is inserted into the urethra and up into the neck of the bladder with an applicator. Most of the mineral oil in the device then flows into the balloon tip. Because the balloon tip is soft and filled with fluid, it conforms to the shape of your bladder neck, creating a seal. This seal prevents urine from leaking out. When you need to urinate, you remove the insert.

Sounds scary right??? And definitely too much trouble. 


Or how about this crazy ass thing: Pessaries

Your doctor or nurse practitioner may prescribe a pessary (PES-uh-re) — a silicone or latex device, usually shaped like a ring or a disc, that's inserted into your vagina. You can wear a pessary all day. The device helps support your bladder to prevent urine leakage. You may benefit from a pessary if you have incontinence due to a dropped (prolapsed) bladder or uterus.

A pessary usually is fitted and put into place by a doctor or nurse practitioner. If you have a pelvic infection, it should be treated before you're fitted with the device, to avoid complications. You usually don't need to remove the pessary to urinate, but you do need to regularly remove it to clean it. Some of the side effects of pessary use include an allergic reaction to the latex or silicone, infection and pressure sores. 

Hmm. I think I'd rather deal with a little urine leakage than possible infection or pressure sores!!! Whatever that is....


I ended up opting to do the kegels (yeah right) and setting on my sights on surgery sometime in the future. AKA- wear a pad when I exercise and cross my legs every-time I laugh, sneeze, or cough. 


I hope some of you can relate to this blog and will share your experiences with me. I mean, what the hell is funnier than someone peeing their pants???! But seriously people, I hope this didn't scare any of you non-mothers from having children. Because trust me, it's totally worth it. I'd piss my pants 100 times if it meant having a kid 1/2 as awesome as my son.  


P.S. If you see me, remind me to do my Kegels!!!! 

TEN Million Moms

I'm probably going to lose a few readers over tonight's blog. I sincerely hope I don't, but I know from reading other blogs that there is no way all your readers are going to agree with you on everything. Although I do have many close friends that have completely disagreed with me on several topics and it's never been an issue for us or our friendship. I hope that's the case with my readers. 


You all know from my blog entry "Acceptance" that I was raised to accept and love people for who they are. I have to stay true to myself and my opinions. 


It all started last night when I was surfing through Yahoo news and a certain headline caught my eye. It said, 

J.C. Penney Won't Fire Ellen. Anti-Gay Group Loses Battle. 

Anti-gay groups really piss me off so of course I had to read on. To summarize, a group called One Million Moms is urging J.C. Penney to rethink their decision to use Ellen DeGeneres as their new spokesperson. Why? Because Ellen is openly gay and they think it's "Funny that J.C. Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families." and that  "The majority of J.C. Penney shoppers will be offended and choose to no longer shop there." 

(http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/j-c-penney-wont-fire-ellen-anti-gay-000900801.html)

HUH???? What is a traditional family anymore??? I know very few "traditional" families. I know a lot of families with single parents, or people that have divorced, and even those divorced and remarried. Those families all seem to work just fine even though they wouldn't be described as "traditional" families. I would not argue that those families are setting a bad example to society. If there's love, there's a family. 

Since my son went to bed at 7:30pm last night and I actually had some time on my hands, I decided to further investigate this issue. After posting my support for both Ellen and Penney's on Facebook, I began my research. 

I started to wonder why people would see Ellen as an offensive spokesperson. Is it merely because she is openly gay or could there be another reason? I did some internet reading on Ellen DeGeneres and I could not find anything negative about her! In an October issue of Parade magazine, Ellen was asked about her decision to leave American Idol after one season. Her response: "It was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings." She also stated that "The world is filled with negativity. I want people to watch me and think, 'I feel good, and I'm going to make somebody else feel good today.'" (http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/now/ellen-degeneres-making-people-feel-good-ever-wanted-193640215.html) 

Oh yea, I can totally see why someone like that would make a poor role model for Americans. PUHHLEASE! The more I read about Ellen, the more I liked her. In the comment section on the OMG yahoo article I read, a woman stated that when her husband was dying from cancer, he would watch Ellen every single day and she always made him laugh. She also said that Ellen could make him forget what he was going through, and she'd always be grateful to her for that.

As far as I can tell, Ellen has always stayed true to herself and who she is. Even though it was a risky move, she had her character on the sitcom Ellen come out of the closet in 1997. It was the first time an openly gay character starred in a television show. She has been in a relationship for about 8 years to her now wife Portia di Rossi. 

Again, other than the fact that she is gay, I can't find anything controversial about her. She didn't even pose naked for Playboy or anything! In fact, she seems like an amazing role model. A good person with a good heart, who makes people laugh and is happily married. Isn't that the definition of a positive role model? Aren't those the qualities we should be judging a person on? (And FYI-, my friend 'Sue' says, "Good for JCP...Cover Girl thinks she is a great spokesperson...if she told me to buy dirty towels...I probably would...she is so trustworthy!!") 

Now, onto this One Million Moms group. A friend, let's call her Ms. Squirrel, sent me their website and we spent the better part of last night discussing. Their purpose is to protect children from "vulgarity, profanity, immorality, and violence." Sounds pretty good to me! But, as my friend Ms. Squirrel pointed out,YOU don't get to decide what's immoral for me.  

If you sign up in their website, there are form letters that you can send various companies and organizations to get "your" point across. Some of the things they are emailing companies and sponsors about besides the J.C.Penney/Ellen issue is: a Modern Family episode in which a toddler said the F-word (it was bleeped out in every scene and supposedly she actually said the word 'Fudge") and an advertisement that Macy's had in their catalog for their registry that showed a cake topper with two grooms.They state that "Your only commitment is to send the e-mail on behalf of our children. Do it for your children." 

Whether or not you agree with the gripes of One Million Moms is NOT my issue. My problem is, who gets to decide what's right for my child? Actually, I do. I'm his mother. This group wants network execs to police the  airwaves and make them safe for kids. 

But sadly, they have a very strict definition of safe, one that doesn't match mine. 

Of course I want to keep my son safe, but I believe it's my job as a mother to teach him what's safe and

unsafe; what's appropriate, and what isn't. I also want to teach him to make decisions for himself. That's my god given right as a mother. 

Trust me, there are much worse problems in this world than whether or not J.C.Penney's uses a gay spokeswoman. Why not put all that energy into helping hungry, homeless, abused, or neglected children? And as my friend Ms. Squirrel suggests, "I think we need a Ten Million Moms group to stand up and show them that "the majority" of Americans truly embrace the diversity of the American family." Amen to that! 

And props to J.C.Penney's. You've just gained a lifelong customer! 

Naptime-a mother's holy grail!

I confess, my son's naptime is my favorite time of day. Of course, my days staying home with 'A' are filled with many, many wonderful moments! But nothing, I mean nothing, beats that naptime feeling.


I've decided that naptime is a mother's holy grail. We are all in search of it. It's that perfect time of day when everything is calm and quiet and we can actually get things done or even possibly GASP, relax-and drink an actual hot cup of coffee! Our cranky kids can rest up while we can get a chance to regroup.


Naptime can also make for a stressful time though. Lord knows how many times I've sat downstairs by the baby monitor for over an hour, biting my nails and praying my son would fall asleep. Then there were those horrifying moments when I realized that he was not going to ever fall asleep and nap would be forfeited for the day. When that happens, I usually try to comfort myself by mentally filling up the rest of the day with activities and telling myself I can put him to bed at 6:30pm to make up for his lack of nap. (6:30 almost never happens by the way!)


I am fortunate enough to have a good napper. When A was a baby, he used to take 3 hours naps in his swing every morning. I didn't switch him to one nap a day until he was over 18 months and the only reason I did it was because my husband and I were living in different states at the time and I wanted to put my son to bed earlier at night. Even now that he is almost 3, he takes 2 and 3 hour naps almost every afternoon. But I do have friends who struggle with naptime. Either their kids don't want to nap, will only nap with mommy, nap too long (and won't go to bed at night), or don't nap long enough. I'm telling you- a mother's holy grail!!!


My biggest problem is the amount of time it takes my son to fall asleep. He will play up in his bed for over an hour some days before he will finally pass out. This isn't always a bad thing. After all, it gives me an extra hour to get things done while he winds down.


 However, there have been some days that this has been a big problem. Like the days he plays so long that I have to give up hope that he will fall asleep. Or-the worst times- before he was potty trained and would poop in his diaper while waiting to fall asleep. Oh yea, these were the WORST. Three times, I walked into his room to see him covered in shit. NO joke. Apparently he got bored in his room and the crap in his diaper gave him an opportunity to play with something and stay awake longer. A special shout out to all my mommy (or daddy) readers who understand what I'm talking about. 


 Luckily, the first time it happened, hubby was home! I smelled something funny upstairs so I decided to peek in on A. As soon as I opened the door, I caught a whiff and that's when I knew. I screamed for my husband and we both sprung into action. Hubby bathed our boy while I got the fun job of changing the sheets and wiping down the crib slats. Ugh. We are so lucky neither one of us has a weak stomach. The second time it happened, hubby was at work. I remember opening the door to the nursery in horror. This time, there was no one to scream for. I seriously contemplated shutting the door and running like hell. That probably would have earned me the title of most horrible mother, so instead, I sucked it up and cleaned it up. I did try to call hubby and bitch to him so he could share in some of the joy with me. He's a smart man because he didn't end up answering his phone. (Pretty sure I left a frantic and/or teary voicemail though...)


The third, and final time this happened, my mother in law was visiting and all three of us were here. While it was extremely embarrassing that this happened in front of her (don't want him labeled as the 'gross' grandchild!), it was great that she was here to help. She remained the calmest out of all of us and threw him in the tub. Once again, I got the pleasure of cleaning the sheets and the crib. 


Moral of this story, think twice when buying a white crib. Also- when it's taking your kid a long long time to fall asleep for nap, make sure you check on them. Or even better, buy one of those fancy video baby monitors. 


Are you a mother in search of the naptime holy grail? Is naptime also your favorite part of the day? I am dreading the day my son drops his nap! Anyone out there who can relate??