Thursday, May 10, 2012

Think pink! PART ONE

There are few days that I can honestly say were the best and most memorable days of my life. One- the day I married my husband. Two-The day my son was born. Three- The day I found out I was going to have a daughter!

That's right; almost a week ago we found out that we are expecting a baby GIRL! It was such a wonderful day. Although we had a 50/50 shot of getting a boy or a girl, I am still in shock. 

Perhaps some of the excitement was due to the anticipation leading up to the ultrasound. When I found out my doctor isn't going to do an ultrasound until I'm 22 weeks pregnant (first or second week of June!) I debated going to a special 3D ultrasound place to find out the gender early-as early as 16 weeks. The place I found allows you to get a 15 minute gender determining ultrasound with some 3D and 4D sneak peeks. When I told hubby, he was not thrilled with the idea. In fact he told me he actually liked the excitement of not knowing what the baby was. (Plus, he didn't really want to pay for the ultrasound!) I, on the other hand, was going crazy! I HAD TO KNOW! I finally convinced him to go along with it- as part of my Mother's Day present. After all, what could be a better Mother's Day present than finding out the gender of your baby???

On April 5th, I made the ultrasound appointment for May 5th. That's right, I had to wait a whole month. I knew I wouldn't be 16 weeks pregnant until the first weekend in May and the place books up a month in advance for Saturday appointments. I guess I'm not the only one who has trouble waiting.

Some people were surprised and even a little annoyed by my constant Facebook posts and banter about what I was having. This is my second child and a few people just couldn't understand why I was so excited. The truth is, I spent my entire first pregnancy terrified. Not terrified that something would happen to the baby, terrified for when the baby came. While I loved being pregnant, I felt that I had no clue what to do with the baby when he came out. I didn't grow up being around babies (my sister is only a year younger than I am) and while I've always loved working with children, most of these children were over the age of 2. In my adult life anytime I held a baby it immediately started crying. I'd typically panic and hand the baby back as fast as I could. Or even worse hubby would take the baby from me and it would magically stop crying. He did grow up around babies and was a natural. That made it more terrifying for me because I was so afraid our son would love hubby and cry all the time with me. 

True story: in the delivery room, when the doctor told me to push, I said "NO". I told everyone I wasn't ready for a baby. My mom (in her Long Island accent) informed me "Cah-ra, it's a little too late to decide that now. You shoulda thought of that nine months ago!"  

I also started crying when the nurses brought the little baby bassinet and baby bracelets into the delivery room. Mom and hubby were cheering and smiling and I was crying. I was just so scared. I wanted to keep the baby inside my uterus where I had much less of a chance of screwing up. 

After a few months (or years) of motherhood, I finally felt like I got the hang of things. I looked back at those moments in the delivery room and laughed. While it's never easy, motherhood is just something that comes naturally the minute the baby is born. Of course it was terrifying (it still is!) but also so wonderful. I continued to kick myself for spending my whole first pregnancy scared. I made a promise to myself that if I ever got pregnant again, I would enjoy every single second of it. I know it will be scary to learn how to juggle two kids but I'm not nearly as terrified as I was to have my first child because I know I can handle it. Well, sort of. Ha. Ha. 

Let's add to the mix that it took us 6 months and a chemical pregnancy to conceive this baby. There were many times during those months that the thought crossed my mine, "What if we can't have any more kids? What if I'll never get to be pregnant again?" When we finally did find out we were pregnant (apparently it happened the exact month we quit trying) we knew that this baby was meant to be. I decided not to take one moment of this pregnancy for granted.

So if my constant excitement, gender banter,weekly belly photos, and ultrasound pics annoy you then I'm sorry. Actually, I'm not sorry. Why shouldn't I be excited? What's more exciting than a baby coming? As my sister-in-law pointed out to me, people are always posting things on Facebook about where they are going to dinner, why is it inappropriate for me to post that I'm excited about my baby?

Ok ok, I have gotten waaaaaaaaaaaay off topic. I will get off my soapbox- for now. 

So for a month I waited with bated breath to find out if we were having another son or a daughter. I honestly would have been happy either way although I warned hubs that if it was a second boy, we'd be trying for a THIRD child soon. I did every single "gender test" and took every single old wives tale quiz there was. I talked about it to my friends and family constantly. I planned out the bedrooms and started planning the nursery. I pretty much drove myself and those around me crazy! 

For over 2 months, I was convinced it was a girl. Even though I had the same basic pregnancy symptoms as I did with my son, my body was waaaaaaaaay different this time. I went from barely a C cup to a DD in about 2 or 3 months. My hips and butt started expanding this time and my belly was rounder. I think a part of me was afraid to think it might be a girl because I didn't want to seem disappointed if it wasn't. I've always wanted one of each: a son and a daughter. About 2 weeks before the ultrasound was scheduled, I changed my mind and decided it was a boy. I planned out his room and "A's" new room as well. I picked his name and started thinking about going through my son's old baby clothes. I even picked out a "Little Brother" shirt at Carter's that matches my son's "Big Brother" shirt. 

Finally May 5th arrived.

TO BE CONTINUED IN: "Think pink! PART TWO"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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