Monday, January 30, 2012

Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

After a week of fun in the sun, we have returned home; back to reality. Now that I've finally dug my way out from under the pile of vacation laundry, I'm happy to be back to blogging.


Here are some highlights of our trip to the Dominican Republic:


1. The 3 hour flight there-"A" slept for 2 out of the 3 hours! Wahoo! When the plane landed, the man across the aisle smiled at us and told my son that he had been a very good boy. Of course, my perfect angel of a son told the nice man, "Thank you". 


2. The 3 hour and 15 minute flight back- 'A' slept ZERO hours on the flight back. He kicked the chair in front of him several times, had a few tantrums, had to go potty 3 times, and whined a lot. This time, NO one complimented him at the end or told him what a good boy he was. Luckily, he's pretty cute so a few people smiled at him in the airport. 


3. Drinking Mama Juana-For those of you who don't know, this is a Dominican rum drink. It is rumored to be an aphrodisiac. The Dominicans we met referred to it either as "liquid Viagra" or "Dominican baby making juice". 'Nuff said.
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4. Latino MEN-Tight pants and hot men that can dance, not to mention those accents....- yes please! OH MY GOD can these men dance! They must know it too because most of their little dances are pretty provocative. I started to get excited because my hubby is like 1/4 Portuguese, but I guess that's not enough Latino-ness (as demonstrated one night in the resort Disco club).
Notice the hot Latino man singing in the back!!!!!!!!!



5. All inclusive-The last time I went to an all inclusive resort, I was 6 months pregnant so this time I was determined to take advantage of the all inclusiveness. I think I drank more alcohol then water or coffee this trip. Obviously, since our almost 3 year old was with us, no one in our party got out of control or anything. Sometimes it's just nice to lay on the beach with a Pina Colada though! 


6. Wasted people- I cannot believe how drunk some grown people at this resort got. I'm not judging, just surprised. People were slurring and stumbling left and right. At night, some were even jumping into fountains with all their clothes on. The highlight was this particularly wild couple in their early 50's. The man looked a lot like Eugene Levy (the actor) and the woman, who was much taller than him, had huge (obviously fake) boobs. The first night, we saw them dancing outside. At first we thought they were pretty good. Then we realized that she was smashed. Her dress straps kept falling down and she was stumbling all over the place. I kept waiting to see if her nipple would pop out. Seriously. 
         Believe it or not, we ended up seeing them again the next night at the Disco Club's grownup pajama party. I decided to wear my sundress and not put my pjs on until we went to the club and saw if anyone else was doing it. When we arrived, I noticed that almost no one was in pajamas. Unfortunately, Eugene Levy Lookalike and his lady friend were there, in their night-wear. She was wearing a see-through black lacy one piece with a garter and a THONG. Yes, a THONG. Her entire dimpled ass was hanging out.
VA-VA-VOOM! 
 I did a double take because I just could not believe this. I think they noticed that people were laughing at them because they left shortly after we got there. I've got to give that lady credit though. I hope I'm that bold at her age! Or maybe I don't.....


5. Falling in love all over again-FINALLY- hubby and I were able to get some time alone. A year ago, we moved away from both of our families and tons of free babysitters. We haven't been out together very much since. Even when we are both at home, we rarely spend quality time together. Since my parents went on this trip with us, we were back to having free babysitting. WOOHOO! Boy, did we take advantage of that! Every time A took his nap, we left him with my mom and went to lay on the beach. At night, after we made sure our son was asleep, we'd go out for a drink, or a walk, or some dancing. One night we were really lucky and actually got to go out to dinner together. Mom and dad took A to the buffet and hubby and I went to the French restaurant. The alone time really did us some good. Hubby was complimenting me left and right! He even went so far as to tell me he was "falling in love with me all over again." Hope he can keep up the good work now that we're home. 


6. The yellow polka dot bikini- I saved the best highlight for last. You see, I have a bad track record with yellow polka dot bikinis. When I was in elementary school, I was in a dance recital. One of the dance numbers required that I wear a yellow polka dot bikini. Since we couldn't find one, someone (I think my aunt?) made me one. Halfway through the dance, the bikini suddenly untied and came off, right in front of everyone. Me and my exposed "mosquito" bite boobies were so embarrassed! I guess I forgot that history has a way of repeating itself because last summer I bought a black bikini with yellow polka dots. Man, did I look hot in it! Of course, even though I've gained a few pounds since last summer, I just had to pack this bikini for my trip to Punta Cana. And I just HAD to wear it on the morning hubby and my dad were playing golf.
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Me and "the girls" in my yellow polka dot bikini. 


        After I put that yellow polka dot bikini on, I decided to take A to the baby pool so I could show it off. Oddly enough, the baby pool was right next to both the bar and the swim up bar. That meant there were plenty of people, even some cute guys, around. While 'A' played and splashed in the pool, I tried to be as sexy as I could. (Hey, just because I'm married doesn't mean I can't enjoy getting some attention at the baby pool!!) I pranced and strutted around the pool. Suddenly, out of nowhere, my bathing suit top FLEW off of me! The crappy plastic hook that held it together in the back just BROKE! Cheap piece of shit! I covered myself up as quickly as I could. I think only a few people got a good look at "the girls" but I was still so embarrassed. I was so lucky my mom was reading nearby. She came to watch A while I ran to the room and changed as fast as I could. Guess I really do have a bad track record with yellow polka dot bikinis. Maybe me and "Eugene Levy's" lady friend have more in common than I thought. 


All in all, it was a wonderful and eventful vacation. Not sure whether or not I'm glad to home, but I will tell you one thing. That freaking polka dot bikini is already in the garbage. 

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